I try not think about it too much, but it bums me out that I’m not the gorgeous type of asian. You know.
Everyone loves those Korean boys or those Japanese guys. Even those Chinese or Thai guys drive peoples’ libidos crazy.
But me? I’m one of those filipino + Chinese mixes that doesn’t look like anyone you’d see on TV or in magazines, so therefore I am not deemed stunning enough to be on TV or magazines. The filipino people you see in the media are the lighter-skinned ones, not the tan ones like me.
It’s fine because I’ve been dealing with this all my life. People always underestimate me based on my appearance. I wind up dazzling them with my other talents, but they still peg me as the goofy one.
Quite frequently I am ignored in public, especially when I’m standing next to someone even remotely attractive. What happens is so-n-so will come up, compliment the person standing next to me (usually one of my models or gorgeous friends) and then will look at me and say they love my bowtie compliment something I’m wearing. It stings that the just went on a rabid rave-fest about my friend’s eyes, face, hair or physique and I am doled out a compliment based on something I happen to be wearing. I leave events early because of this.
I used to think it was all in my imagination. My own paranoia getting the better of me. Surely people must see myself how I see myself, right? Well, I’ve hesitantly entered my face into several superficial sites along the lines of “men of Hawaii” or “sexy asian men”, but I was always the most unpopular photo on there. It was a pity posting on their part.
This type of treatment has been happening my whole life, but I will never get used to it because it’s like a fresh wound every time.
I’ll never get used to this.